Dateless in Denver: A First and Last Date on First Friday

At the start of the summer, in anticipation of all those hot times ahead, we shared a string of articles about dating in Denver, including a cover piece that explored "Why Dating in Denver Is a Dumpster Fire." We also hosted an essay contest asking readers to share their best bad-date story.

Now, because misery loves company, we've introduced "Dateless in Denver," a series of reader essays on the realities of dating in Denver — the good, the bad and the ugly — that kicked off with Jess's story of a date who sharted on her lawn. This week's installment comes from R.M.

Me, first: Slightly above-average-looking, middle-aged good person who does not make over $100K. I'm a hard worker and care about my job, which consists of helping really vulnerable people and their families through crises. I'm smart, well-educated, active and in shape. I have good friends, and I'm passionate about my hobbies.

Bad date story: I think I have a 67-way tie for first place, but one does stand out to me more than others.

A few years ago I met a woman on Bumble who agreed to meet me for a date at a First Friday Art Walk on Santa Fe. The plan was to walk around, duck into galleries and just soak in the awesomeness of Denver's Art District on Santa Fe. My date called in a panic and on the verge of crying fifteen minutes after we were supposed to meet in front of one of the galleries, and said that she had been driving around and around the block and could not find a parking spot. I didn't know what to say, so I just said you're going to have to drive around until you find a parking space or pay for one. Ten to fifteen minutes later, she called me again, panicky because she could not find a parking space. I offered her an out and asked her if she still wanted to meet, and she weirdly said that she still wanted to meet and that I wouldn't be disappointed or forget her when I met her. Oohhhkaaayy...

I then offered to help by getting in her car and helping her find a parking space, and she agreed. but it took her another ten to fifteen minutes for her to pull up in front of the gallery where we were supposed to meet, and I got in the passenger seat of her car. This woman was really beautiful, but wasn't dressed for walking around First Friday. Within the first sixty seconds, I wondered if this woman had ever driven before, and I thought my life was going to end. She obliviously blew through two stop signs, passed open parking spaces and seemed to play a game of slow chicken with some people who were trying to cross the street. We eventually found a parking space, but she couldn't even come close to parking her vehicle, and I eventually asked her if I could do it for her, and she agreed. I parked her car, and we got out and started to walk back to Santa Fe.
The walk back to Santa Fe was probably ten to fifteen minutes, and within five, she started to complain about how far away we parked. The conversation during the walk was very odd in how robotic and devoid of humanity it was. Something was just off. There just wasn't much to this person, or maybe she just wasn't into me. We eventually got back to Sante Fe and ducked into the first gallery. Within minutes, this woman rudely walked away from me while I browsed art. This repeated itself at the next two galleries and at the food truck court/beer area. I guess I was expecting too much by assuming she would speak to me after saying she wanted to go on a date with me, that I wouldn't be disappointed when I saw her, I rescued her from her driving panic attack, parked her car and put my life in danger by getting into her car within the first hour of meeting her.

At the next gallery, she walked away from me again. I could not believe it and decided that the date was over. I went downstairs in this gallery and snuck out the back door into the alleyway to enjoy First Friday on my own. Twenty minutes (?!?!) later, she called and I didn't pick up. She called, and called, and called again. Then she texted me, demanding that I pick my phone up. I picked my phone up, and she was like "Where the fuck are you?!" and we started arguing, with me telling her how utterly rude and awful she was for not even trying to have a date with me. I remember her saying that she felt out of her element b/c she had never been to something like First Friday before and she felt very uncomfortable. I told her I didn't want to see her and that I was leaving, and she started to cry and panic again, saying that I couldn't leave because she didn't know where her car was. (Sigh.)

So I met up with her again and walked her back to her car.

That night I got back to my car and saw her text stating that I wouldn't be disappointed of forget her when I saw her and met her. I texted her back, writing that she sure was right about the second part of her text. Then I blocked her.

That night into the next morning, I called friends and family and asked the question over and over again, "What the fuck happened?" That question remains unanswered as I write this.

Have a dating story — good or bad — that you'd like to share? We'll be running another installment of "Dateless in Denver" next weekend. Send your submission to [email protected].