How to Not Be a Total Jerk at Pride

As June draws closer, and with it an influx of Pride parties and celebrations, it's time for a public service announcement on how not to be a complete asshole at Pride this year. I write this PSA not just for our well-meaning straight allies, but also for the gays who need to be reminded that the LGBTQ+ community is much, much more than just white cis men. This PSA is inspired by the twinky doofus at Triangle who mocked me as "a straight girl appropriating gay culture" in an attempt to hit on my male friends. My dear, it's 2022: How you could possibly still believe queer women don't exist is beyond me. Here are some tips on how to celebrate Pride in a respectful way, no matter who you are.

It's Called Pride, Not Prude

Dear straight people: If you can't handle queer people of all shapes, sizes and identities baring as much skin as they please, just save everyone the trouble and do not attend Pride events. This community has fought relentlessly for the right to be themselves, and that includes the right to wear as much or as little as they see fit. You may see bare breasts. You may see a man wearing nothing but a small handkerchief. You will certainly see some butts. If any of this makes you uncomfortable, please have some self-awareness and do not make it the queer community's problem. "But what about the children??" the Karens always shriek. If you don't want to expose your children to all the realities of the queer community, do not bring them to Pride! There are plenty of kid-centric Pride events around the city for all different age groups to celebrate, so please don't use your children as an excuse to police how others express queer joy. The number-one thing for straight allies to remember is that this is not your moment, so if you always want to be the main character, it's probably best for you to stay home.

Consent Is More Than Important

No matter what anyone is or isn't wearing, don't touch people without their consent — ever. This goes for everyone, including members of the LGBTQ+ community. Especially in LGBTQ+ spaces, it is often gay men who feel entitled to touch, hug, kiss or grope others. Guys, just because you're not sexually attracted to women doesn't mean you can grope them without consequences. We don't want to hear, "But I'm gay! It's not like that!" as an excuse for why you think it's okay to violate someone's personal boundaries.

Sara Grossman, founder of the LGBTQ+ marketing company CODE mktg and communications director for the Dru Project, explains, "Whether you are new to Pride or a seasoned-and-long-out veteran of the festival, you should be respectful. For instance, just because someone is scantily clad or wearing a giant breastplate doesn't give you permission to touch them."

Entertainers such as drag queens and go-go dancers still have the right to refuse a hug, a picture or anything they aren't comfortable with — even if they are hired performers. Keep your hands to yourself, and please, please don't try and get on stage during another person's performance. We promise you the hired entertainer is more qualified to run the show.

Queer Femmes, Nonbinary Folks Should Be Celebrated as Much as Others

Many of the LGBTQ+ bars and clubs around town are dominated by cisgender men, and some are a little too happy to exclusively cater to that demographic. Remember that trans women and trans femmes are the reason we even have Pride celebrations. Queer women and nonbinary folks are a huge part of queer history, so if you aren't including them in your celebrations, you simply aren't celebrating Pride. Listen to local gay Bryce Chandler: "Uplift, support and include women at Pride regardless of your perception of their sexuality or identity! Being inclusive means being fucking inclusive, simple as that." Echoes Grossman: "Just because a person, especially a woman, doesn't look queer, that's not a good enough reason to overlook or ignore them. That's femme/bi-erasure. Be better, do better, and let's make sure everyone feels welcomed!" And for God's sake, stop cutting women in line.

Bar Staff: You Have a Responsibility, Too

While it is often the clientele at LGBTQ+ bars who make certain members of the queer community feel unwelcome, the staff is also responsible for ensuring that such behavior isn't tolerated. Bartenders, please stop ignoring customers you don't want to have sex with. Security, please do something when you see someone being touched without their consent. Managers, please call out your employees who are being discriminatory toward anyone who is not a cis man. You decide what your customers can get away with, and that directly determines who feels comfortable and safe at your venue.

Be an Ally for Black Pride Colorado

The weekend before Denver Pride Fest is the second annual Black Pride Colorado, and just as straight people should not make Pride about them, white people also need to take a back seat when attending events created specifically for the BIPOC queer community.

"If you are not here to experience joy and allow for us to have our joy, because this is our space, a space we are inviting you into, you do not need to be here," explains Dr. Tara Jae, co-founder of Black Pride Colorado and founder of YouthSeen. "We are not here to deal with anybody's attitude, we are here to celebrate us, and we're going to take up as much space as we can to do that. It's not about you, it's about folx of color and, more specifically in this space, Black queer folx. If you can't put us first, don't bother coming."

This is not to say that white allies, or accomplices, as Black Pride Colorado team member Eboni Boneé Coleman calls them, can't attend Black Pride events. In fact, white queer people are encouraged to use their privileges to help ensure that these events go smoothly. "You can come to the events, but support. Maybe volunteer. Really look at what it means to be an ally, and an accomplice. Donate. You know somebody that could sponsor? Send that email over," says Boneé Coleman.

Dr. Jae adds, "Within those spaces, if you see something fucked up, not only say something, do something. Don't just stand there. It's in those moments that, if you're going to be in those spaces, you can't be an ally and just watch. You need to be an accomplice and be a part of it."

Queer Black women, femmes and nonbinary folx have pioneered the queer-rights movement, so do what you can to amplify and uplift their voices instead of speaking over them. Denver-based drag queen Coco Bardot points out, "One big part of being a good ally to queer women, especially BIPOC queer women, and non-men, is to not allow stereotypes and microaggressions to make you diminish the voices of these women."

Boneé Coleman puts it simply, stating, "White gay men: Provide us the same respect and empathy that you would give yourself."

Ultimately, the key to not making an ass out of yourself at Pride is respect. That Golden Rule you learned back in kindergarten is always a good one to follow. In the words of the Denver doll Menaje E'Toi, "Remember, you want to be treated with respect, so lead by example."

Be respectful, be inclusive, be welcoming, be joyful. Just don't be a jerk.