Dear Mexican: Why Don't Spanish Mexicans Go to Spain?

Dear Mexican: Do Mexicans know that if one of their grandparents was born in Spain, they can immigrate immediately not just to Spain, but also to any other country in the European Union? I know this is not an option for a lot of Mexicans, but it certainly seems like a better one for those who qualify. Spain is a First World country with free health care and seven-hour workdays — and, quite simply, Spanish people seem to have more in common with Mexicans [than Americans do]. Don’t get me wrong: I think that Mexicans are a great thing for America and that anyone who wants to live there should be able to, but I am also a realist. I bring this up because it seems like it might be an easier option for those grandchildren who fled Spain to come to Mexico during the times of Franco. A hell of a lot cheaper than a coyote, also. Learning to say “vosotros” and “vos” instead of ustedes and tú, and using “joder” instead of “chingar” seems a small price to pay. Then again, “Jodo tu mamá” just doesn’t have the same ring....
Concerned Gabacho Living in Mexico

Dear Gabacho: Don’t limit your goodwill to Spanish refugees from the Franco regime. Last year, the Spanish government said anyone who could prove that their ancestors were Sephardic Jews cast out during the Inquisition could apply for Spanish citizenship. (Conveniently left out, of course, were descendants of the Moors, because, you know, Muslims.) Becoming a member of the European Union might sound appealing to gabachos looking to backpack for a year, but a mass migration to Al-Andalus ain’t happening for Mexicans, who should only give a shit about Spain if it wins the FIFA World Cup or when a Mexican soccer player gets to ride the bench for Real Madrid or FC Barcelona.

Public-health announcement: Dr. Ron Romero, a dentist from Santa Fe, New Mexico, let the Mexican know at the annual Servicios de la Raza gala in Denver that not only did dentists appreciate my discussing their profession in February (in a column about why so many Mexican children have silver teeth), but also asked if I could pass along the following public-health announcement.

Dr. Romero says that childhood caries (the disease that makes babies’ teeth rot and is colloquially known as “baby-bottle” tooth decay) is a communicable disease and can be transmitted by simply feeding kids from the same spoon or letting them share a glass. He also wants ustedes to know that childhood caries are easily preventable: Dentists can apply a simple wash that will put little ones in the clear for a while. Consider your request done, Dr. Romero. Now, think you can fit a diamond in my front tooth, à la Lenny on The Simpsons?