Boebert Beat: A Not Very Quiet Republican Lady

President Joe Biden was supposed to be in Colorado on October 16, visiting Pueblo, home to the CS Wind factory, the largest wind-tower manufacturing facility in the world. This summer, Biden tied CS Wind's ongoing expansion to the Democrats’ Inflation Reduction Act; in the process, he noted that the facility was in the 3rd Congressional District represented by Lauren Boebert, “the very quiet Republican lady” who voted against that legislation.

Boebert’s inevitable reply didn’t address her lack of support for a growing sector of CD3's economic base and its participation in the advancement of clean energy and independence from fossil fuels. Instead, her response was to proudly proclaim that she would never, ever shut up.

“Wishful thinking, Joe,” she said in her August tweet. And it might well be, for both the president and the rest of the thinking population of Colorado. While Biden has canceled his trip because of the situation in Israel, Boebert has not been canceled, as her recent actions make clear:

Joe Biden said that I'm a "very quiet Republican lady".

Wishful thinking, Joe.

I'm calling you out every single day and I won't be getting more quiet about it anytime soon!

— Lauren Boebert (@laurenboebert) August 10, 2023

Boebert has been going through a bit of a rough spot lately, with endless coverage of her vaping and heavy petting at a performance of Beetlejuice, for which she was rightly ejected from the Buell Theatre and mocked all over the media. The writers' strike ended just in time for John Oliver to offer his take:

She’s also been dealing with a divorce from her exposed dick-tattoo of a husband, Jayson, which was finalized in a Western Slope court this past week. On a recent episode of The View, several women at the table even expressed empathy for Boebert. “I never thought these words would come out of my mouth, but I related to Lauren Boebert here,” said Ana Navarro, a Republican strategist outspoken in her condemnation of the MAGA wing of her own party.

Politics aside, ending a long-term marriage that included four kids and a family life that’s suddenly changed forever is no small thing. Boebert had even showed up at the legal proceedings toting her six-month grandson on her hip. Sure, parading the kid in public was clearly a maneuver, but the now-divorced Boeberts sharing a passionate kiss at the car post-proceedings probably wasn’t. And then taking their grandson to lunch — reportedly at Grand Junction’s Warehouse 2565, which describes itself as “the perfect destination for date night” — was the sort of familiar weirdness that divorce can create. Former partners just at the precipice of becoming strangers.

But as with any potential positives Boebert might stumble into, the goodwill was immediately squandered by her unswaying commitment to being on the ignorant side of every issue.

Her latest social media screeds have been focused largely on her support of Representative Jim Jordan for Speaker of the House, which makes total sense because of the little-known “assistant wrestling coach” codicil to the Article I, Section II of the U.S. Constitution that suggests that priority selection be given to anyone who has in the past regularly worn a whistle on a lanyard and boasts extensive experience wiping down sweaty mats.

And last week, Boebert was on the floor in front of a largely empty room, arguing for an amendment to the agricultural appropriations bill that would prevent the USDA from educating its leadership in supporting LGBTQ+ employees. Boebert described it — in the People's House, no less — as "part of this administration's woke-LGBT-Q-I-plus-whatever letter you'd like to add for the flavor of the day pride month agenda." As always, Boebert indulges in a little word salad there at the end, drenched in an intolerant dressing and topped with croutons flavored with the tears of those of us who still remember intelligent political discourse. 

Other issues that Boebert’s been unquiet about? Immigration and the southern border, of course. Claiming that the support of Israel in a time of unprovoked attack is somehow clearly worthy of American support, while the same support of Ukraine is a different matter completely. And, inexplicably, that the recently sighted “Colorado Bigfoot” could get 217 votes for Speaker. It’s unclear whether that’s a slam at Representative Steve Scalise, who stepped down from the nomination, or former speaker Kevin McCarthy, who was ousted for actually (and surprisingly) doing his job, or just a random social media joke made by someone who doesn’t really understand the complexities at play.

Colorado’s Bigfoot could get 217.

— Lauren Boebert (@laurenboebert) October 13, 2023

It's probably too much to hope that Representative Boebert soon (or even eventually) realizes that there are benefits to  quietness. Being "very quiet" is not a pejorative, though clearly the president meant it that way, and she doubled down, taking a cue from the Trumpian strategy of embracing your weaknesses and purporting them as strengths. But like my departed grandmother used to tell all us kids: Just because you’re yelling doesn’t mean anyone is listening.

There are lots of labels that America could hang on Lauren, and none of them are flattering. Colorado Bigmouth could play off the Bigfoot stuff. Granny Gun-Gun fits but sounds too much like a comic-book villain. Beetlejuicy somehow gives her too much credit. We need a name that suggests her position in national politics as one of the leaders of a movement that's a historic and histrionic mistake in anti-governance. She should ask Trump: Name-calling is one of the few things he’s actually good at.

Meanwhile, most of Colorado is looking forward to a time when it's not "wishful thinking" to accurately utilize one specific title for Lauren Boebert: former congresswoman.