Lauren Boebert Opponent Launches With Sh*ttiest Campaign Video Ever

Even before Lauren Boebert officially became Colorado's representative for the 3rd Congressional District — she was sworn in on January 3, 2021, just three days before an attack on the U.S. Capitol that her opponents accused her of helping to enable — Democrats were determined to make her a one-termer. In the year-plus since then, hopefuls have lined up to take her on, but they've had trouble making a splash.

That's not a problem for the latest candidate, Alex Walker — although his introductory campaign video, released today, February 23, is more about splats. The two-minute clip is dominated by scenes in which average folks become the target of feces dropped from the sky or hurled or sprayed in their direction.

Walker, for his part, stays clean, and in one scene, he even passes out towels. But your first-grade teacher would consider his language to be just as dirty as everything else in the spot. At one point, he says, "We are real Coloradans. We deserve a living wage, small government that actually works, and freedom of choice. Instead, we have bullshit."

To get technical, the shit in question doesn't appear to have come from bulls; their droppings tend to be patty-shaped, while Walker's special-effects team generally produces human-style turds. But that's appropriate given the answer to Walker's question, "Don't you ever wonder where it's all coming from?" Seconds after these words leave his mouth, a Boebert lookalike is revealed to be the shit's source.

Unbelievable? One viewing of the video will prove that it's not — though you may want to watch it more than once.
On his campaign website, Walker describes himself as "a Colorado native, engineer, writer & small business owner," as well as "a gay moderate who believes in small government, personal freedom & human rights." He stresses that his policies, which range from opposition to medical mandates to what he portrays as a balanced approach to gun rights, "are built on reason, not party nonsense. Some lean left. Some lean right. None of them involve sex cults or pizza" — a reference to QAnon conspiracies. He adds, "If you’re over bottom-feeding racist morons like Lauren Boebert: welcome."

Walker will get a chance to expand on his approach during a February 26 CD3 candidate forum sponsored by the Garfield County Democratic Party. He's scheduled to appear along with eight other fellow Boebert rivals: Sol Sandoval, Donald Valdez, Colin Wilhelm, Debby Burnett, Kellie Rhodes, Root Routledge, Adam Frisch and Scott Yates, a former Westword staff writer.

Presumably, the discussion will be frank — though it may not be quite as blunt as the words Walker delivers at the close of his video. "Colorado needs a bull, not a bullshitter," he says. "I'm Alex Walker, and I approve the shit out of this message."

The two-hour candidate forum gets underway at 4 p.m. on February 26; it will be available online. Click for more information.