Analysis: Picking Apart the Myth of Picky Colorado Women

I love your outlet for its ethos of “report what we hear,” especially because a lot of topics covered by Westword are about culture/social trends, a largely subjective subject that you attempt to report from an objective point.

But "Colorado's Single Women Rank Among Pickiest in Nation," in an attempt to show both sides, came off as very biased, and read as seeking confirmation bias. Looking at the original source, the sample pool that was surveyed was not local to Denver and topped out at 3,000 participants nationwide and largely depended on participants to respond, potentially skewering data further due to lack of responses in certain regions that will adjust numbers no matter what.

It’s understandable, too, to report comments showing both sides of the coin of reaction to the original “study” this is based on. It’s a very subjective subject and entirely based on opinion, not science. It cannot be science yet, because it’s not peer-reviewed or tested time and again like any hypothesis. Yet without a visible “caution sign” in an article, it can be misconstrued as fact. It sparks fear in me as a female reading some of the comments hating on women for these opinions and perpetuating a stigma of women being too picky and the problem; therefore, men can continue to weaponize this in dating.

Furthermore, the idea of being able to say “women want someone conventionally attractive” and reporting that Colorado women are among the highest in these responses is absolutely ridiculous. Attractiveness is not entirely singular, and when put in the context of a survey, one has to wonder how the other response choices are described — e.g., ugly, fat, dorky, not athletic, etc. The question alone places people in a world of “Well, to me, I think this but I want this” or “When I hear attractive, this is what I think” versus what the original author of the study had in mind. And the study does not review/explain if the survey asked about past dating experiences and why they may lean one way or another in terms of preferences they can list out in comparison to more organic introductions, like meeting someone in a bar and planning a date or somewhere else compared to a dating app, where you can legitimately filter people out based on certain criteria.

From my understanding of dating in Denver (2019 to present), using apps and meeting people organically, the disconnect is elsewhere. What the study fails to consider is the negative experiences of dating in Denver/Colorado as a whole. Several social media accounts that ask about the “shit hole” that is dating in Denver point out majorly different “deal breakers.” Many point out that a lot of people they have been on a date with find out that the other person simply “doesn’t know what they want” or “can’t commit to a relationship,” even if their profile says seeking long- or short-term relationship, open or monogamous. To be honest, I do not think the salary expectation is insane; almost everyone is aware of how expensive it is becoming to live in this great state and might simply be thinking “even 100K might not be enough for two alone, but with my salary that could help us live comfortably,” essentially planning out a stable future for both where one partner is not seeking additional jobs. It’s not to say every woman expects their male partner to be the breadwinner; rather, life is so expensive that combining these salaries would allow us (the couple) to save and spend money without one bearing the brunt of the cost.

Yes, Denver has a higher ratio of men to women earning the title of “Menver,” which does allow women to retain the ability to “swipe through” men who, based off a glance at their profile, don’t illicit an “Oh, yes” or “Maybe they didn’t explain themselves well on a profile but can in messaging/on a date.” It would be interesting to see a study on men’s reaction to rejections received on apps — or, better yet, flip it to them and ask, “What is it you want in a dating partner?” — because based off these comments, it sounds like they want the same things.

Both the original Westword article and subsequent opinion piece fail to address the inadequacies of the initial survey. They allude to this third-party source as an authority without delving further into how they produced the results gathered. I find it divisive and potentially harmful to the dating scene in general by misrepresenting the results, regardless that this was just a litmus test of how people feel seeing these no doubt stark results. I can only hope moving forward that Westword adds some reference to the potential fallacies qualitative surveys can fall to, because regardless of the intention behind the article, it can leave readers with misguided opinions they perceive as fact because a media outlet reported a “study” confirming their bias.

I understand the second piece was based on comments submitted by readers under an opinion section, but the original article was written by your writer who had written stories covering local politics, and that’s where the issue began. And it’s absolutely asking for a certain crowd to respond, because there’s a prize offered at the bottom of that article for people to share their worst date. You’ve basically only asked for readers with strong and negative experiences to contribute, and therefore excluded anyone with anything remotely positive to say.

Truly disappointed the original article was published without the editor asking them to put some caveat about the nature of the study. The original article isn’t long enough to truly surmise all the points learned in their survey...and don’t get me started on the clickbait title you used.

Editor's note: "Colorado's Single Women Rank as Among Pickiest in Nation" was the fifth in a series of articles focusing on dating in Denver. The lead piece, "Got a Match?," was inspired by the last season of Married at First Sight, which was filmed in Denver and is hardly an authoritative academic work itself.

And yes, we're running a contest that will award the author of the worst dating in Denver story two VIP tickets to Westword's Tacolandia on July 13.

The deadline is July 1; send your bad dating stories to [email protected] or via the comments or DMs of our Westword social media accounts.

We'll continue to share comments and stories from those submissions on westword.com.