Dateless in Denver: "The Ick"

At the start of the summer, in anticipation of all those hot times ahead, we shared a string of articles about dating in Denver, including a cover piece that explored "Why Dating in Denver Is a Dumpster Fire." We also hosted an essay contest asking readers to share their best bad-date story.

Now, because misery loves company, we've introduced "Dateless in Denver," a series of reader essays on the realities of dating in Denver — the good, the bad and the ugly — that kicked off with Jess's story of a date who sharted on her lawn, and followed with R.M.'s tale of a bad first date on First Friday, Mer's tale of a bacon-loving boy, Mia's report on a bad date but a good burger, and Hannah's short-but-not-sweet account.

Now read "The Ick" from Caroline Schauder:

You messaged me “girls who code”
with a heart
I corrected you to say *women*
to be more honest from the start
We met up the night before
you left early for DC
You bought me a drink
and we talked
and the whole thing felt easy
The music was too loud
so we went for a walk to pass the time
We talked about outdoorsy things
and you told me that you trad climb
I’ve avoided dating climbers in the past
because I feel like they’re too intense
But somehow with you
it all just felt different

You texted me updates about your trip
while you were away
What you were up to,
who you saw,
and what happened during the day.
As time went by,
I began to feel closer to you
But a little worry in my head said
we’ve only met up once,
can this connection be true?
Because when it comes down to it,
I don’t actually know you.

But then I thought,
here I am finding problems with every little thing
Really I should be excited because you,
a straight male,
are communicating
You got back the next week
and came over to my place
When we talked you were so vulnerable,
it felt like a safe space
But maybe a part of me
was also a little scared
I’d never been with someone who’s so open right away
and I felt unprepared

That Friday I invited you to my birthday party
to meet all of my friends
I didn’t know if it was too early for that
but I wanted you to attend
We kissed on the dance floor
at a Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers cover band
You whispered in my ear
that you liked to hold my hand.

In the first week of August
we went to the lake to swim
You told me that in October
you were going back to Singapore to visit family for a bit
You wanted to make sure that I felt supported
in the month you would be gone
Something that should have been thoughtful
felt wrong
We’ve only been on five dates
and now we’re doing distance?
We aren’t even in an exclusive relationship
don’t you think that’s presumptuous?

All of the sudden, things started bothering me
that I hadn’t noticed before
I realized that every time I saw you,
you talked about how great you were doing at work
“Work is going so well, everyone loves me”
was a common refrain
Then why do you feel the need
to bring it up again and again
You text me constantly,
all the time
Somehow I have begun to feel responsible
for your peace of mind
If I don’t reply will you be ok?
I don’t know
but that feels like a lot of pressure to put my way
In ten years you want to reduce a quarter of global carbon
Because the world is getting hot
For the sake of the earth I hope you do,
But you’re an intern at a think tank
and a quarter of the world’s carbon is a lot

It started to storm
so we hastily ran inside
My sinking feeling lingered
for the rest of the drive
But still I went back to your place
to meet your roommate
We talked for a while
and I thought he was great
You said you wanted to open a climbing gym
for passive income
While I’ve never done it,
I assume opening a gym would be a full time job
and then some
The conversation shifted to crypto
and you pronounced Ethereum “eeth”
I truly thought that I was going to vomit through my teeth

I know this sounds dramatic,
but it felt like a switch flipped
In a few hours I went from admiring you
to thinking you’re full of shit
Am I reacting this way because it got real
and I’m scared of commitment?
Or were the things you said always ridiculous
and if so how did I miss them?
I spent a long week trying to figure out
if my doubts would stick
In the end there was nothing I could do about it,
I got the ick.

Have a dating story — good or bad — that you'd like to share? We'll be running another installment of "Dateless in Denver" next weekend. Send your submission to [email protected], where you can also comment on previous posts.